I never do this...

So I never blog about my thoughts but for some reason I feel like I should right now because I know how many people go through this, it actually makes me feel better and I want to warn people before doing what I did...
Today I would have been 11 1/2 weeks pregnant. Around 9 weeks I was feeling fantastic...too good. I felt like there had to be something wrong, but then I thought, maybe it's a girl this time. Dave told me it's ok to feel better so I just kinda thought wow that's freaking awesome! I feel great! Well about a week ago I started to spot a little bit, got a little worried so called the doctors office. The nurse told me this happens all the time but I could come in if I wanted to. Well I chose not to. Yesterday I actually started to bleed so I immediately panicked and went to the doctors. The doctor checked for a heart beat but could not find one be he said "that doesn't mean anything though lets get an ultrasound." He starts the ultrasound and shows me the fetus, he looks a little worried and tells the nurse to go get the ultrasound specialist. I immediately started to cry, I knew in my heart, it's gone. The lady came in showed the doctor the heart beat and said "there isn't one" I started to cry harder. The doctor pats me on the knee and says "do you understand then what has happened?" I nodded my head yes. I looked over the ultrasound machine seeing little eyes looking at me and it was Dexton. He knew there was something wrong with his mamma. He came over to the table to sit on my lap and comfort me and hug me. Just what I needed.
The doctor proceeds with telling me my options...1.Letting my body do it naturally. He said many women have been doing this for years. 2. To get a D&C 3. To take a pill to help the process along. I asked him what he thought was the best choice, he said with me working it would be hard to do it naturally because you never know when everything is going to come out. A D&C would be nice you just get it over with but it is expensive. So that made me realize I need to do the pill. He told me to take it for 2 days twice a day. I got it that morning and took it after lunch around 11:30am. Felt fine, a little cramping, but for the most part felt ok.
WARNING THIS GETS GRAPHIC!!! AND KINDA GROSS!!!
My parents came over to visit me and told me McKenzie (my little sis) had a basketball game in Spanish Fork. I told them I would go, they asked "are you sure, are you feeling ok" I told them yes and I can't really do anything here at home. So me, Angie, and her boyfriend drove down to Spanish Fork around 5pm. All of a sudden it felt like I was having contractions! It hurt so bad but I just kinda sucked it up. We get to the high school, I get out of my car to get Dexton and all of a sudden tons and tons of fluid comes out of me. I start to panic and Mark tells me to get back into the car. I told him I couldn't I needed to go to a bathroom. Angie helps me into the school and I go to the bathroom and I'm not kidding a gallon or more of fluid and blood came out of me. I had no idea this is what happens. I then started to panic more but then thought this is it. So I go to the gym where they are playing basketball and I sit down and tell my mom what just happened. I told her I didn't have any more pads with me (sorry for the details) so she said put a tampon in, I told her I couldn't I didn't think you were supposed to so Angie gives me Dextons diaper and tells me to put that in. How embarrassing I know!!!!
I walk to the bathroom again and again the fluid is coming out. I hurry and sit down and again tons of fluid and blood is coming out of me. I put the diaper in my pants and return to the gym. And this happened about 4 times I was there. I thought for SURE I had to be done!!! There can't be any more in me at all. My parents ask me if I want to go to dinner and I did I was hungry and I thought it is over. We go into the restaurant and I feel it coming again, I rush to the bathroom same old same old. This is getting really annoying now!!! I sit down start to eat some of the scones, order my food and all of a sudden start to feel really really hot. Mark said that it is hot, we were right by a heater but I felt more then hot, I started to feel like I was going to throw up and pass out. I hurry to the bathroom, my mom yells to my sister to follow me and I fell on the wall then went to the bathroom sitting on the toilet with my head down because I felt like I was going to pass out. I still had my pants on though and BOOM the same old stuff comes out through my pants on the toilet. Oh my gosh could it get worse! I hurry to take my pants down and more stuff is coming. I sit on the toilet for about 10 min, Angie is in there with me asking what she can do. I told her just to eat, so she does :) Dave said who could eat at a time like this :) Dave wasn't here he was flying this whole time :( But anyways about 15 min later I get up, wash up, and I look at my face and it's yellow and it's not just because I'm asian lol I was so weak. My mom comes in and says "Oh my gosh you're going to pass out!" I sit in the hall way and wait for my dad to come help me. While we are waiting we can hear the waiter saying "What kind of pie would you like?" Angie and Mark instead of saying no we need to leave say "Oh what kind do you have?" While my mom is yelling no pie! So Angie and Mark ordered us all pie while i was on the ground :)
My mom tells me we need to go to the emergency room you have lost too much blood. I call my doctor (not the one that I saw today) and he told my mom that the doctor that I had seen should have told me this is what happens and that I shouldn't have never left my house. I should have had someone helping me and laying down all day. He told my mom just to get me home and laying down.
My dad comes to help me up and I stand up and tell him I need to sit down again. He helps me with my coat and tells me he is going to carry me out. I told him no (plus were in a restaraunt!!!) I start to walk out the door and I can feel myself getting very week, all of a sudden my knees goes out and I fall and my Super Dad picks me up and carries me to the car. We drive home, they put me on the couch. Went to the bathroom a few more times and this morning feel fine. Still bleeding but it's so much better.
Would I ever take this pill again??? Yesterday I said NO WAY!!! But today I think, well it's over with and I can move on now. Just next time I would make sure to stay at home.
Today though I am very emotional, can't stop crying, Angie has been with me making me laugh though. I know this is so common and I know that many of you have gone through this and if not you, your friends family etc. I know that there is a reason for all of this. I am so thankful for my little Dexton for him being so healthy and just my baby! I know it will happen when it's right. I'm ok, I know everyone is so supportave and I know I could call anyone of you for anything. Sorry this post is so......long but I just wanted to tell my story. Love Alisha